My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
