I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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