I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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