There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
