I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
