final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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