You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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