tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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