If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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