I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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