Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
