dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize