Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
