when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
