Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
