I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
