i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
