like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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