we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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