waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
