Got a toothbrush?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
