i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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