mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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