there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
