new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
