then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
