drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
