I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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