Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize