If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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