I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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