peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
