Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
