Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
