yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
