last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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