i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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