Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
