Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You need Xanax blowdarts
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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