member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
