I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
