Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
