nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
