I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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