I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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