He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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