My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
