On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
