I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
