I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
