I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
