You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
