Having a random hookup so left but love u
Welp...herpes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
