And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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