i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize