so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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