I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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