Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
