escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
