didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
