1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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