i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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