girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
