Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
