You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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