he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
