If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
