Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
