When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
