I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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