i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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